I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
