I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
