Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
