now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
