Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
