The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
