Having a random hookup so left but love u
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
