Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
