Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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