You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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