oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
