he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
