On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
