My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
