I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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