I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
