You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
