when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
nutella sex= disaster
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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