my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I AM VODKA MAN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
