So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
