We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
