She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
