At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
