she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
