haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Quick, to the slutcave!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
