She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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