So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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