There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
