you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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