Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
