She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
