she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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