Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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