pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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