I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
