she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
