I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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