areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
