just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
