i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
