Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
