I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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