Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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