i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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