if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
