Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
