I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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