what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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