She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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