I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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