Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
