my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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