we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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