I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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