1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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